BANANA GIANT: Infomercial Review

Why are bananas such a funny fruit? I asked that to a group of friends the other day, and didn't get many helpful responses. We use bananas in comedy movies and cartoons (the famous slipping-on-banana peel gag), but rarely have grape or pear gags. Someone suggested that bananas have a sexually suggestive form. Someone else said it's their connection with monkeys. Regardless, a banana fruit.

I guess that's why my first impulse when seeing the commercial for Banana Giant, with this huge banana plant growing in your home, was to laugh. I never laugh at home apple trees or tomato plants. Banana plants, though, seem somehow different.

Banana Joke Break: Why aren't bananas ever lonely? Because they're always hanging around in bunches.

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Still, from a logical perspective, I love the idea of Banana Giant. Bananas are my favorite fruit, as they are for many people. They're like nature's candy. And the idea of having the unlimited supply that Banana Giant provides is very appealing (Imagine: A banana split every day for the rest of your life!)

Banana Joke Break: What did the banana say to the monkey? Answer: Nothing. Bananas can't talk.

And the bananas offered by Banana Giant aren't those awful ones you get at the supermarket that are either too green or spotted with black. They're golden and huge. So yeah, the banana is a goofy fruit, and some people might chuckle that you have a home banana plant. But that's ok. You're just showing that you have taste. They'll be crying to you when they need to make a banana smoothie.

Banana Joke Break: Lisa said, "Our teacher went on a banana diet," to which Tom asked, "Did she lose weight?" Lisa: "No, but she sure can climb trees now!"

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HALO OVEN: Infomercial Review

I enjoyed watching the infomercial for the new Halo Oven. (Let's face it: I love watching any commercial that says they want to help feed me.) What I liked most was that the announcer seemed to know me. He starts the commercial by saying that when it's time to cook you "throw it in the microwave or feed the family fast-food on the run." This guy reads me like a book!

Halo Oven, by the way, is a circular device that's sized about halfway between a food processor and small microwave oven. It uses infrared waves to cook your food as much as 50 percent faster than a regular oven, but uses 85 percent less energy. It's better than a microwave, because it keeps the food's natural juices and cooks the food all the way through, without burning the outside. Best of all, it actually cooks out most of the fat. I bought my Halo Oven a few weeks ago, and it has replaced my microwave oven.

However, I have to be honest: The commercial was clearly made more for a woman than for a guy like me.They show all of these fancy things you can do with your food, and it even comes with a book of recipes. That's clearly not how we guys cook. When we cook a microwave food item, who reads the directions? The woman. The guy just takes it out of the carton, puts it in the oven, cooks it for a while and hopes for the best. That's probably how most of us will use the Halo Oven, too. Grab some chicken, drop it in, cook it and see how it comes out.

Fortunately, so far has come out great, despite my haphazard cooking methods. I encourage you to try the Halo Oven.

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STYLE SNAPS: Infomercial Review

I had an aunt who, I think, was fat from the time she was born until now. Yet she insists on wearing high heels. I'm talking about huge, mile-high spikes. Fat women and high heels are not a good combination. Any time she walks in Texas, her spikes strike oil.

Part of me just doesn't get why women insist on wearing what must be the most uncomfortable shoes ever made. But when they do, it's nice to know that they have something like Style Snaps to help them stop stepping on the hems of their pants. I saw the commercial for Style Snaps just last night, so let me explain them to you. Style Snaps are these plastic snapping thingies that you use on the hem of your pants. They stay on the inside of your pants legs, so they're invisible on the outside. Yet they hold the hum up to just the height that you want. They go on and come off easily, so the hem is never permanent unless you want it to be.

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I thought it was funny yet appropriate when the commercial announcer statement that Style Snaps were "invented by a woman." Because, you see, a man would never think of something like this. I happen to have the same problem: I step on my pants hems constantly (My legs are a bit short for my size), but it never occurred to me to make something like this. Although one day, when riding a bike in long pants, I did hike the legs up with rubber bands.

But I digress. The point is this: Whether you wear high heels or have some other reason that your hems are always getting in the way of walking (or riding), Style Snaps are convenient, easy and affordable.

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FOREARM FORKLIFT: Infomercial Review

When I first saw the name of the product, “Forearm Forklist,” I had a totally different idea of what this product was going to be. In my eye, I saw a tiny little fork-life, with a tiny little crane mechanism, holding up the forearm of a guy who was too fat to lift it himself. Quite a handy concept, actually.

It turns out, though, that the Forearm Forklift is something at least as handy as that—maybe even handier. According to the commercial, Forearm Forklift is this pair of straps that makes it easy to carry heavy objects, such as refrigerators, desks, king-sized mattresses, pianos, and more. You just lay the straps out on the floor, put the heavy object on top, criss-cross the straps and then put your forearms through the openings. Voila! Now you can use the power of leverage to lift the object as high as you need it, to transport it wherever it needs to go. Great concept, and it works even better than advertised.

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And it beats the alternative. How many of us have the most ridiculous stories of trying to move heavy objects? I certainly do!

·There's the time that a friend and I moved a large freezer all the way down the street, from one house to an apartment a block away. It seemed way heavier than it should have been—and then we figured out why. The person who owned it had been storing canned food inside of it—packed from bottom to top!

·There's the time that my brother and I tried to move a piano out of a small country church for the pastor, and we could not get it out of the door. It was then that the pastor told us that the room it was in had literally been built around the piano!

Fortunately, frustrating stories like this become less frustrating when you don't have to break your back carrying the item. And that makes Forearm Forklift a heck of a good buy.

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ONE TOUCH CAN OPENER: Infomercial Review

There aren't too many times when I see a commercial for a new kitchen product that gets as many rave reviews as the One Touch Can Opener has gotten. A trip to YouTube finds one person after another praising the ease-of-use of this device.

The commercial for the product, though, is another story. If you're not familiar with it, One Touch Can Opener is this small can opener, slightly shorter than a hand-held twist-and-turn can opener. Running on battery power, you simply put this handy tool on top of the can, with its magnet facing down. Turn it on and it rotates around the can, cutting it open in no time. And it does this without leaving dangerous sharp edges on the can lid. Wonderful kitchen tool!

But let's get a better commercial, shall we? The announcer says at one point, “You'll never have to dig that dusty, germ-filled lid out of your food again.” Well, Mr. Announcer, if my canned food is that “germ-filled,” I'm thinking I'd rather throw it away!

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Then the commercial shows a woman putting a can of dog food, after it's been opened, back in the refrigerator. For starters, are there really people who are so cheap with how much food they give Fido that they have to save the left-overs in the refrigerator? And secondly, didn't Mom ever tell these people it's not good to store food in a can? Or is it ok, since only Fido will be eating it?

Despite these shortcomings of the commercial, I am truly amazed by One Touch Can Opener. Even people who don't buy into the claims of other kitchen products that they see advertised on television will love this handy thing.

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