EAGLE EYES: Infomercial Review

I suppose sometimes you just have to create a product for morons, to keep them from hurting themselves. While EAGLE EYES seems like a great product, judging from the commercial, you'd think they're made just because the average person doesn't know how to block the sun from his eyes.

Note to the Einsteins in this commercial: To block the sun, maybe you should not not move your arms around in front of your face and move your head side to side in the manic fashion shown in the commercial. All you'd have to do is hold your hand in front of the sun to block it. Also they invented sun visors in cars for a reason; they take the place of your hand to block the sun while driving.

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Not that the commercial isn't good for a laugh. The most entertaining part of the commercial is the hilarious picture of the lens allowing only the good light in. Don’t worry, if the sun shoots rainbow colored lasers into your eyes the blue and purple will deflect back into space and only the green and yellow will reach your eye.

This commercial is mostly professional looking and then they add that part that looks like a 10-year-old child drew it for an art project. Another thing that might help the commercial is better testimonials. These people are not believable at all and sound very scripted. The older man with the grey hair is hilarious looking with his clip on sunglasses they might have wanted to give him a more stylish pair. If you are planning to go into space anytime soon these will be great for you too. Do they realize how small of a population flies planes and goes into space. This is not going to convince me that they will work in my everyday life. I guess if I was a kid that aspired to be an astronaut when I grew up I’d be sure to convince my parents to get them for me.

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DRYER MAID: Infomercial Review

"UH OH!" Any time I hear those words on TV late at night, I know it's a good bet that this is going to be an infomercial. "UH OH, you spilled something....UH OH, your pet had an accident. UH OH, you broke a nail." Today there's an infomercial to fix all of life's "uh ohs."

And that now is true for the problem of pet hair and lint clinging stubbornly to your clothes. That's the "Uh Oh" that DRYER MAID hopes to fix.

DRYER MAID is this little round ball thing that you throw in with your clothes when they're in the dryer (I understand the "dryer" part of the name, but why "maid"? Are there maids whose primary job is to pull lint off of clothing?) The idea here is that pet hair does not want to come off of your clothes, no matter how many times it's washed. Likewise, some fabrics keep on holding onto lint even after multiple trips through the washer.

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I've never bought the DRYER MAID yet, so I'll have to speculate about what happens after the ball is thrown into the dryer. Judging from the commercial, it seems that DRYER BALL must conjure up a little thunder storm inside your dryer and then it shoots bolts of lightning into all of your clothing. That lightning is somehow magical, because it forces the lint and hair off of your clothes into the lint trap. That, at least, is what I perceive to be the message from the commercial's use of animated lightning zapping your pants and shirts.

My sister actually does have a DRYER MAID and she says it works perfectly. "And," she reminded me, "as the commercial says, if you order from TV, you also get a lint brush."

But--I thought that if I used a DRYER BALL, I wouldn't need a lint brush. Strange...

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ECO CANTEEN: Infomercial Review

There's this lady who works at my office who is a wacky environmentalist.....er, I mean, who is passionate about protecting the earth. One day as I was taking a drink out of the plastic water bottle I'd been using for six months, she marched up to me and said, "Did you know that your plastic bottle will last up to 700 years?"

"Yeah I know, I'm pretty proud of it. It's held up well for me," I said.

"No, no, that's a bad thing!"

I didn't understand how it could be bad for something to last me a long time, so she asked me to watch the infomercial on my computer for a product called ECO CANTEEN. According to this commercial, plastic is bad for the environment because plastic bottles take next to forever to degrade, and the refillable bottles also contain chemicals that can be dangerous. ECO CANTEEN lets you refill it with water as much as you want, and it's not dangerous to you or to the environment.

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I went back to my friend and told her I was impressed. "But let me see if I understand correctly. This is better because it won't last as long, right?'"

"Uh right," she said.

"So should I buy a car that promises to not last as long as the other brand?"

She sighed. I hate it when women sighed. She said, "Eco Canteen will last you probably your entire life, but it won't pollute the environment for generations to come. Plus, like the commercial says, it holds 26 ounces of water, so you'll wind up drinking more water."

"I use my bottle to drink Pepsi. Can I still use it?"

Another sigh. "Go away," she said.

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