INSANITY: Infomercial Review

Rarely have I seen a product on a TV commercial with so perfect a name as INSANITY. Because in the infomercial I watched, the spokesman screamed at me while showing me a guy with a super-defined six-pack ab....His question for me: "Think your body can look like this 60 days from now?" I burped on my Double Whopper, checked out my protruding tummy and said out loud "Yeah that's insanity all right."
I tried to watch the commercial through, despite getting motion sickness as the camera jiggled and shook back and forth, up and down. Here was this guy who sounded like a Drill Instructor screaming, "DIG DEEPER! DIG, DIG, DIG, DIG, DIG!"
Dig? Where are the shovels? Finally I realized this was a DVD exercise program where the idea, as the spokesman said, "is you just push it to the limit."
Now I'm a fan of truth in advertising. But is there such a thing as being TOO truthful in your commercials? This guy bragged about how hard this is: "If you don't mind working out in a pool of your own sweat, you just might be crazy enough for Insanity!"
Honestly, I'm not crazy enough to walk in a p air of wet socks, and my jelly belly and I have gotten to like each other. So Insanity might not be for me.
And maybe I'm just too accustomed to the fitness ads that promise you can just chug down a drink or get on a machine for 10 minutes a day--Fitness made simple! But this was shocking to me on every level. And it even had moments of silliness. For instance, I chuckled a bit when the spokesman said "You don't need to spend countless hours in the gym," even though the whole commercial featured guys working out--you guessed it--in the gym.
The spokesman frankly says, "It's not for a person who's lazy. It's not for a person who finds excuses." And that is, of course, my modus operandi in life. Honestly, this looks like a fantastic workout by people who dare to be honest. This is great for my military brother, and I plan to buy it for him for his birthday. But me? I just don't love sweat that much.

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PET ZOOM PET PARK: Infomercial Review

First a disclaimer: I am one of the biggest dog lovers you could ever meet. Bassets, beagles, boxers, I've had them all (although it only just now occurred to me that all of my breeds start with a “b”). And the Pet Zoom Pet Park is something perfect for our house and our current two bassets. The Pet Zoom Pet Park is this little area of what looks like astroturf where the dogs can take care of “potty business” inside the house without making a mess and without leaving an odor. It absorbs the odor completely.

Still, this commercial is not cute. It's downright creepy. I like talking-animal movies as much as the next guy, but when Infomercial-Announcer makes fake doggie voices and says things like “It's too cold to go outside to pee! I have to go now. I can't take this any more”....it's not cute. It leaves you fearing for this announcer's family. The guy genuinely freaks me out.

And do we really need to show doggie pee on the floor (right as I'm eating a snack, and drinking Mountain Dew, I might add). We get the point without the visual, thank you very much.

But then the guys who created the commercial clearly weren't the best in the advertising business. At one point they say “No more soiling your carpet,” and they show a tile floor. Then they talk about no more staining the hardwood floors—as they show a couch.

Just goes to show that even the best products can have lousy commercials. And in this case, some of the best products can have completely disturbing commercials.

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TOUCH 'N BRUSH: Infomercial Review

TOUCH 'N BRUSH: Infomercial Review

Did you ever hear a parent's child scream in a restaurant or grocery store and want to either go yell at the kid to SHUT UP! I had one of those moments watching the new commercial for Touch 'n Brush, a product you hang on the wall that dispenses toothpaste neatly, quickly and efficiently. Only it wasn't just the kids I wanted to scream at (bad as they were), but the adults too.

Look, these people deserve to have that mess in the bathroom that the announcer says Touch 'n Brush fixes. They just aren't even trying. That first person who squirts toothpaste all over the sink just shoots it out of the tube, without even aiming for the brush. The third one seemed to be aiming across the room.

And then we have a picture of some kid leaving her toothbrush on the sink, with the bristles touching the sink. Would someone call child services already? Who knows what kind of germs that girl will be inserting in her mouth now!

And then we see a person who tries to put toothpaste on her brush without even holding the brush itself. Not advisable, and more proof that this whole family needs a good dose of common sense.

Finally, toward the end of the commercial I finally think I figured out who the mother of the kids is. It's this woman who is brushing her teeth with the sonic toothbrush who seems for all the world like she's in a trance. She has this half-convincing smile on her face like you'd expect from a cult member. And as she brushes her teeth, she blinks about 3 times in a minute. Definitely a trance and definitely why the kids are allowed to create this kind of bathroom mess.

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Michael Jackson Video Infomercial Review

Michael Jackson Video Infomercial Review

Everyone knows who Michael Jackson was. He was a man who captivated the world when he was a young man and became known as the King of Pop. In his last years his life was wrapped in turmoil and controversy. However, despite all the allegations against him, there were his fans. A group of people that didn’t care what had supposedly happened or not happened. All they knew was that Michael Jackson was an idol to them and they loved his charisma and theatrical talents.

I personally am not that big of a fan of Michael. Maybe it is that I am too young to have really appreciated the artist, or maybe a myriad of other reasons. However, I do have a lot of friends who absolutely love him. They were the ones trying to get tickets to his memorial, and the ones who bought movie tickets in advance just to see the movie on opening day. Despite the multitude of people I know that loved him, there is one in particular who has an entire room in his house dedicated to Michael Jackson memorabilia.

I say, how can his collection be complete without the commemorative coins now being sold? I know that his birthday is coming up in about a month and I know exactly what I am going to get him. It may not seem like that great of a gift to some, but I know it will mean the world to him and it will be just some small gesture of my gratitude to what he has done for.

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